Sunday, April 29, 2007

10 months without Olivia

Today is Sunday. It is the 29th. It seemed that everyone at church was asking, "Hi, How are you?" It was just the polite, "how are you?" or even the,"how are you feeling pregnancy wise?" You knew that they were not really asking because they remembered, "Oh this is one of those days that are a little harder for you. How are you doing?"

It's okay. You know that everyone else seems to forget. I don't know. Months 7, 8, and 9 didn't really seem that hard. I thought that maybe 10 and 11 would be the same way. Maybe because these last two months are building up the big mile stone date. The One Year. It is a mile stone that no parent ever wants to face. And I know that people don't really forget but it doesn't affect them in the same way.

Alysa seems to resemble Olivia more and more everyday. Sometimes when she falls asleep in my arms I can't almost pretend for an instant that I am holding Olivia. It's only an instant though and you reality kicks you in the face again. I miss her so much. I want those two weeks she was home to do over again - minus all the bad parts! Of course, I would love to have the whole three months again.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad. I have been trying to keep this up to date on how I was feeling in hopes that I can help others who may be traveling a similar path. It is late and I am tired. I will reread this when I have a chance and may edit it or even remove it but for now it is here.

4 comments:

Karen Towle said...

I will be praying for you, Amy.

Laura said...

I am so glad you posted this! We all need to help you remember Olivia. Keep her remembered. You are amazing, and entitled to have these feelings. SO many feel this way when they experience a loss, people need to know what its like. I am thinking of you today, and always!

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you, Amy! Thanks for sharing your feelings!
-Naomi

Anonymous said...

Amy, It is important to remember. Just tonight someone mentioned that it has been almost two years since she lost a loved one. Time helps but memories last. Thanks for sharing your feelings and memories.
You are in my prayers during this difficult time.
<>< Julie