Monday, May 21, 2007

Just a VERY bad dream

Am I ever going to wake up? I mean, that must be it. I must be sleeping....and this is all a bad dream!

Oh, how I wish that were true.

My heart is still hurting too much to try to write what I am feeling or to try to make sense of this all. But during the next few weeks I will be sharing with you lots of letters (and pictures) from and to my mom. For those of you who know me personally or my mom you know our story and why we were close. For those of you who do not, I want to share that with you and have it here for me to see in black in white.

The creative part of my soul is taking a break right now, but I have tons of things to share from the past.

Do not think for a moment...that in all this craziness that I have forgotten my dear Olivia. All of my heart just hurts right now. I can't say that I have a certain hurt that is for Olivia and one for my mom. It all just blends together. I will refocus again on some thought about Olivia near the end of next month as we remember the day she came home from the hospital to spend what we did not know would be her last 2 weeks with us. June 29th. I will never forget that day.

Love to you all
Mommy

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy,
You share your feelings so well. I never know what to write. My prayer is I hope it helps to know others care. <>< J

Anonymous said...

You are on my mind often. I keep praying that God will give you strength to face each and every day.
Love,
Naomi

Laura said...

Amy,
My heart is breaking for you! I am praying for strength and comfort. ((HUGS))

Megan said...

Amy,
My tears won't stop flowing, and right now most of them are for you. I know the hurt that you talk about. A sister doesn't even come close to a mother or daughter, but when it all comes down to it, it's death and it hurts no matter who you may lose. SOmetimes i wish that i could take away all others' pain, but then i would just suffocate. i wish we could both stop hurting. I feel like my heart is just breaking. The other night Stpehen and my mom took me to the hospital and the doctors said everything is fine, but a broken heart doens't feel fine. I don't know what's wrong with me, but everything hurts and the tears don't stop. People at church help so much, but you and Brian were right htere for me the night my sister died. I feel how your mother did, "i love you, more than you'll ever know." Sorry if that got the tears flowing. I must have taken a 2 1/2 hour nap today. I just want to sleep and get rid of the "VERY bad dream". I think i'm really going to start a blog, too. Your's has helped me. I know the feeling tho of not knowing where to start cuz everything hurts.
Love,
Megan