Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Rough day

What a hard day. I did manage to clean half of my living room but that was about it.
For lunch I had something that made me think of mom and that is what started it I guess. This evening it was just listening to and watching Alysa. She is so grown up in some ways. Such a different person that the "baby" my mom saw in March.

It just started the line of thinking.
"My mom really died. Her heart stopped beating and she took her last breath.
She was alone. It wasn't supposed to be that way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was supposed to get old or sick or something and I was supposed to take care of her.

She was supposed to move closer to us.
She was supposed to be here when my little girl enters the world.
She was supposed to see Tyler go to kindergarten and Alysa and all of them!!
I miss her SO much.
It hurts so much.

The phone is supposed to ring at some random time and it is supposed to be mom.

I am supposed to have someone to send the cute pictures of my kids.
She is supposed to be here on the 29th for her birthday. I should have been there with her making her a cake and treating her special - NOT packing her things into boxes and selling her furniture!

I see what I thought was SUPPOSED to be and what the Lord so saw fit to have happen are two different things. I can't really believe she is gone. What lesson am I supposed to walk away with. Why now? Why this year? Wasn't letting go of Olivia and hearing her take her last breath enough?"


Anonymous said...

I will continue to pray for you in regards to this "rough day." God has a perfect plan for us! Remember, He doesn't share the BIG picture with us because He wants us to depend upon Him and His strength to see it through. If we knew before hand what would happen in our life, we humanly would try to fix or prepare for it and we would mess it up. He wants His children to depend upon Him. His way is perfect.
I will be praying- Cindy Roberts
p.s. your home is looking wonderful- keep up the good work!!!

Anonymous said...

Am praying for you, Amy. I can't imagine how hard this past year has been! It is so hard to look at life through human eyes. Some days, I can't wait for heaven, so it will all be a little clearer.

Anonymous said...

I know it's hard Amy, I feel your Mom's life was way to short .I was sure she would overcome this and would live at least until she was in her 80's. but as we know God has a plan and he knows best.
I will continue to pray for you and your famly.
God bless
Love Pat

j said...

Hi Amy,
You have done an amazing job on your house. I am proud of you and know your mom is smiling down from heaven. My mom passed in June of 96 and I am reminded of her so often. Things she said or the way she did a particular thing. You will always have her in your heart along with Olivia. Praying GOD's strength for you. <>< Julie