Monday, May 12, 2008

You have been gone a year also

9 days after mom died, your life on earth ended too. You had always said to me, "if anything ever happend to Marian, I won't be long for this world." The official report would say you died of congestive heart failure.

The last one year anniversary

Yeah, I'm really glad for the day to end. With remembering mom and getting through Mother's day yesterday and finally today. One year since my dad, Pete, died. On this date last year we had gone to pick out Olvia's stone. We had made the appointment before Mom had died. The place wasn't usually open on Saturdays except by appointment. So on that day we picked out Olivia's stone and then looked at prices for mom's. It was later that afternoon that I got the call about Pete's death.

Some of you may be wondering why I am calling my dad by his name. Well, to be totally honest as the years went by we grew farther and farther apart. He didn't just isolate himself from me but really from the whole world. It's a long complicated story. Much of it I never really understood and never will. So many questions left unasked.
I had promised myself that I would write today. I should have put more thought into something specific to day. I used to feel hurt by the actions that he chose. I felt angry that he chose drinking over his daughter.

Today, I just feel really sad. It didn't have to be that way. His life didn't have to end when it did. Poor choices. But, maybe he felt that it was his only choice. No, my dad did not commit suicide.

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