A year and a half today. I commemorated it with Cheeze Its and Pepsi. I think your preference would have been a Coke. I couldn’t quite remember. That made me cry. A simple phone call that I could not make. I solaced myself with the thought that I could of had Dr. Thunder and ended the debate altogether.
I was supposed to have a dentist appointment today. For other reasons I ended up having to reschedule it a few days ago. Now I am glad. A month ago I would have anticipated this being just another day. That is usually how these anniversary dates go. It’s usually the days leading up to them that are hard. Not this time. Today is hard. I have that “It’s hard to breathe feeling.” I think it’s the “I am trying not to cry in from of the kids” feeling.
On a very different note….
You know you need to dust off the ceiling fan a little more often when you do and they kids say, “It’s snowing!”
Speaking of snow, we saw it last Wednesday. It was just a sprinkle but it was snow!! So, winter is coming. Thanksgiving is coming. Christmas is coming. I am going to try really hard to enjoy it this year. Make it really special for the kids. Oh yeah, and birthdays are coming. Saturday will be Katie’s big day!! There will be pictures!!
Last year at this time when Katie was born we had just past the 6 months mark. I remember I started crying on the operation table just minutes after she was born because it became so real that mom was not there. And she wasn’t going to be walking through the door to meet Katie at all….ever…..
Oh God, why. WHY WHY WHY………
(initial thoughts...more to come)