It's past 11. I should be sleeping. My body needs it's own rest to heal. I can't sleep.
The last few days have brought out even more complications with Alysa. Tonight she once again was in tears before bed.
It's leaving me feeling hopeless and scared. Scared something will happen before we get to see a Dr. who can help my little girl.
I know that just wanting something so badly is not enough. I know that her healing is not in direct correlation to how much I pray or how much I beg God. It can't be. Then I would have to reason that I just did not cry out to Him enough to save Olivia.
Tonight the issue was pain in her eyes. We have an already scheduled eye appointment on Thursday. I am just praying that any inflammation she may have will not cause any damage before then.
I just want to know she is going to be okay.
Maybe I am feeling this way because I am tired. I hurt. Pretty much from head to toe hurts. But I know what's wrong. I know what is causing my hurt. I should of had a stunt double take my place the moment the nails came out of the 2 boards going across our small deck. I am thankful. I could have easily have broken my neck, my back or at least an arm or leg. And I know in time...I will heal.
The trouble is...I don't know what is wrong with Alysa. There are theories. And there are ideas that they are not looking into any further. I still have my mommy heart saying that maybe one of these dropped possibilities needs to be looked into more.
Praying that tomorrow I can get a referral for another Dr. for her that will look into this possibility more.
My little girl went from being so happy and active to now having times she can't even stand up.
I am terrified and can never let her know.